Damn, this feeling is back. Oh how i hate this feeling. This feeling that has been haunting me for what seems like forever but its only been 2 years. It seems to come back when i don't want it to. Always when I'm having fun or trying to do something important it comes and takes my mind off everything except it. I think they call it loneliness. Not like the loneliness of not having friends. More just like... yeah. Knowing that you have no chance getting with anybody. Your personality sucks, your physical appearance sucks, you just suck in general! Most you can get is friendships, and even then that is a long shot. You try to change, you try to get in shape but nope, nothing. Nothing you do can seem to hep you. Nice guys finish last and everybody hates cocky, arrogant douchebags. Ive tried being nice, I've tried being and ass, nothing. I dare not step into d'bag territory. That place is bad news bears. Man, how i wish i could just have somebody in my life that means something to me. Somebody I can relate to more than a friend, that I can talk to whenever about whatever and it not seem annoying or weird. And no it's not about the sex or any of that shit. Its just having that one person, that one special person that you can call your significant other.
Talk about me hating my life right now. I have to say i think i am pretty fucked up in the head. Doubt there is a cure. I have such a nice life too. Its just that one thing that missing. That one Little fucking thing that can help me not feel like this. Why is it so hard? And dont give me that bullshit that it isn't it fucking is! "When the time is right" Fuck when is it my time? Ive been fucking waiting for my goddamn time and it hasn't come. I dont fucking know how much longer i can wait either! Fuck this shit. I need to go smoke a bowl or a few. Maybe that will help me not fucking feel this way even if it is only temporary.
And for all those people that read this and are saying to yourself, "I never knew he was like this. This kids fucking crazy," I fucking hide it well dont I?
Fuck Me
-EAmon
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